I can't decide if I am starting to feel better or not. I cried for the first two days straight. I don't think I even left my bed for those two days. After that, the numbness kind of set in. I was grateful for everything that had happened - that my miscarriage had been so early; there was no pain; there was not as many expectations; we hadn't told many people, etc. I still am thankful for the experience, in a way.
But at the same time, it has got to be the hardest thing I've ever been through. My doctor went over the stages of grief with Eric and I when we went in to see him. Most people tend to go through angry stages, hurt stages, hopeful stages, etc. Pretty much all I feel is jealousy. It's hard to go to church, where more than a quarter of the couples have new babies. It's hard to be around friends who are pregnant, because that's where I want to be so badly. I've even considered turning my back on facebook, because every other post seems to be someone announcing their pregnancy. I want so badly to be happy for these friends of mine, but it's so dang hard. And then I feel guilty for the self-pity. Please, Lord, can't I just have a baby of my own to hold and love?
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