I can't decide if I am starting to feel better or not. I cried for the first two days straight. I don't think I even left my bed for those two days. After that, the numbness kind of set in. I was grateful for everything that had happened - that my miscarriage had been so early; there was no pain; there was not as many expectations; we hadn't told many people, etc. I still am thankful for the experience, in a way.
But at the same time, it has got to be the hardest thing I've ever been through. My doctor went over the stages of grief with Eric and I when we went in to see him. Most people tend to go through angry stages, hurt stages, hopeful stages, etc. Pretty much all I feel is jealousy. It's hard to go to church, where more than a quarter of the couples have new babies. It's hard to be around friends who are pregnant, because that's where I want to be so badly. I've even considered turning my back on facebook, because every other post seems to be someone announcing their pregnancy. I want so badly to be happy for these friends of mine, but it's so dang hard. And then I feel guilty for the self-pity. Please, Lord, can't I just have a baby of my own to hold and love?
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Sad News
This time, I'm just copying and pasting my post from facebook. I've been crying too much to do anything else.
I want to let everyone know what has been going on lately. Simply put, about a week and a half ago, Eric and I found out that we were expecting, but I have since miscarried. It's been a rough few days, but I have to express my thankfulness for a few things:
1. Supportive friends and family - they have meant the world to Eric and I over the past few days.
2. Priesthood blessings of comfort and he
I want to let everyone know what has been going on lately. Simply put, about a week and a half ago, Eric and I found out that we were expecting, but I have since miscarried. It's been a rough few days, but I have to express my thankfulness for a few things:
1. Supportive friends and family - they have meant the world to Eric and I over the past few days.
2. Priesthood blessings of comfort and he
alth - I know that what happened was the Lord's will.
3. I now know that I CAN get pregnant, which has been our biggest worry for the past year and a half. Now the next step is to see if I can carry a baby to full term.
4. I was only 6 weeks along - I know for sure that this could have been far harder and far more heart-breaking, but I thankfully only had a few days to build up hope and expectations.
I'm telling you guys all of this not to get pity or sympathy, but just to stave off any rumors that anyone might have heard, and.. yeah, just cause I want the people I love to know.
3. I now know that I CAN get pregnant, which has been our biggest worry for the past year and a half. Now the next step is to see if I can carry a baby to full term.
4. I was only 6 weeks along - I know for sure that this could have been far harder and far more heart-breaking, but I thankfully only had a few days to build up hope and expectations.
I'm telling you guys all of this not to get pity or sympathy, but just to stave off any rumors that anyone might have heard, and.. yeah, just cause I want the people I love to know.
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